All my life I've worked hard to exceed expectations, and I'm usually pretty successful, if I do say so myself.It's not unusual for people to take one look at me and assume I'm some little blonde girl that has no idea what's going on in the world around her. I take great satisfaction from reactions I get after discussing my career, an upcoming marathon, or current events in sports with people I meet - I guess they just don't expect it. What, does everyone expect me to talk about shopping and The Hills?
Not that exceeding expectations comes easy by any means. I work hard, sacrifice time and put my heart and soul into everything I do - career, running, relationships...everything.
This backfires, however, when rather than meeting expectations, I completely bomb and disappoint someone. As a perfectionist, this hurts more than it should, because in turn I end up disappointing myself the most.
I tend to be a pretty proud person at times - *gasp* I know, right - especially when the things I've accomplished took exceptional sacrifice and investment (read: time, money, the shedding of a few tears). And often in these situations, I'm pleased with the outcome - but what about when someone isn't? When you disappoint someone else because you didn't meet their expectations. And even worse, what if it's a situation that you can't fix? Recovering from this can be the most difficult of all.
In the end, the final product is worth the added stress - or so that's what I tell myself. But sometimes this desire to exceed expectations causes more distress than need be. However, I've yet to figure out how to take a step back and care a little bit less. Because as I see it, that's the only way to overcome this sick need to continuously go above and beyond and blow everyone out of the water.
How to go about this, is the ultimate question.
So what about you - do you find yourself in similar situations? How do you work through situations where you haven't exactly met expectations without beating yourself up?
Cheers!
-A
8 comments:
I think after enough times of getting burnt doing above and beyond what was needed to complete a task... I decided to prioritize my energies. That way I knew which projects to work on first and most whole-heartedly and then simple "do" the others. I never did not follow through with something I said I would, but sometimes projects that maybe weren't as important as something else didn't need 250% maybe just the 100% would be okay... so far no one has complained and I know I am better for it because I have more time for myself and I can't perform well if I don't have a little of that ;)
jennie - that sounds like an awful complex system you have there. works great for career situations, but what about the rest of your life? this may only be cured with wine and discussion...i'm counting down the days.
Ive set the bar pretty low for myself...
so even showin up to work everyday makes my parents proud of me.
I have never ever been a perfectionist. I take pride in mediocracy.
Keep working hard at everything as long as it doesn't eff up the rest of your life. Go above & beyond and if it doesn't work out thats what we have bars for. Go to the bar after work or after whatever just happened and drink heavily until you figure out what to do about it, or what to do next time. Drinking now solves everything, I might just be saying that though because I haven't had alcohol in over 9 months...But in 2 days I'll be on my way home with a stop in Ireland I will be drinking as much beer as I can along with the rest of my battalion. We may drink the bar out of beer during our 4 hour lay over there.
I think the first thing to do is to determine who or what is the most important thing to you. Who would you not want to be without in your life? That's were you concentrate your amazing efforts. Learn to put the rest on the back burner. When you have not met your own expectations . . . walk away from the situation for a bit whenever possible. Breathe. find your best buddy, hang out (doing whatever it is you like to do) and get a good night's sleep. Tackle the personal dissapointment with a clear head and fresh perspective (provided by your good buddy)
i don't meet my own expectations every time i don't go to the gym after work. ugh.
but i get what you are saying, it is very very hard to keep up with all the expectations flying around. from your family, friends, employer and yourself. it's a lot to worry about!
Once you find out, let me know because I always take things personally when I don't meet expectations. And I never feel like I meet expectations.
matt - that's an ability I truly envy.
joe - luckily, one glass of wine helps clear my head. any more than that and I'm worse off than I was sober.
duchess - that seems like a good way to go about it. most important people come first. this is something that i tend to have a hard time remembering.
alexa - it's mostly about being disappointed in myself - that's the hardest to deal with.
playful - I'll be sure to keep you posted!
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