Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Does distance work?

Okay, I know what you're thinking, "c'mon A, another post about relationships? What gives?" Especially because I'm usually the content single girl who loves my job, family and hobbies so much there's no time for dealing with or even contemplating the drama of love and relationships. So what gives? Let me tell you...


This spring and summer has been filled with travel. Nothing too exotic or exciting, and mostly for work, but regardless, it feels as if I’ve been away from the Midwest more than I’ve been living in it (and we all know I wouldn’t have it any other way). One of the best parts of traveling is getting to meet new people. But when the travel abruptly stops – as it has for me this month – it gives you time to look back and reflect on the events that took place and the people met along the way.


So what does this have to do with love? Everything.


As luck seems to have it, I meet men of interest while traveling. But after a few exciting days of talking and flirting the trip comes to an end, I board a plane back to Ohio and life goes on as the single girl. Long distance text messaging ensues, but I often end up cutting the strings for fear of any emotions getting involved. After all, the last thing I want to do is set myself up for a broken heart. But then again, I’ve heard people say time and time again that unless you put yourself out there and risk getting hurt, you leave yourself unavailable for the next great thing to sweep you off your feet. True?


No one likes to be vulnerable, especially in situations where the odds don’t seem to be in your favor. But isn’t it possible, in the world today, to successfully do the “distance thing?”


This one has me perplexed. On the one hand, young professionals tend to spend a lot of time away from home - either at the office, traveling for work, visiting friends, or partying it up at the bar, trying their best to forget they are no longer in college.


For me, I get antsy, so if I’m not traveling for work I’m finding ways to travel on my own. Not to mention that some of the more intriguing people I’ve met lately are just as wrapped up in their career as I am – if not more – so even if proximity wasn’t an issue there wouldn’t be much face time. On the other hand, it would be nice to be able to have impromptu dates and see someone on a fairly regular basis without dropping 300 bucks on a plane ticket. But then again, I’m pretty independent so the need to see someone on a daily basis just isn’t there. I could go on like this forever, but I’ll spare you…


Question remains: does distance work?


Regardless of how, when, and where you’ve met someone, is it possible to start a relationship from a distance and make it work?


Hmm…interested to hear your take. But for now it’s back to being the über content single girl of the Midwest and playing my favorite sport as wing-woman for my girls.


Cheers!


-A

6 comments:

Narm said...

My mail order bride and I have worked out great!

I'm not helping.

Jamie said...

"As luck seems to have it, I meet men of interest while traveling..."

That line crack my 's' up. I thought you were going to say something like "International men of intrigue."

OK, besides that comment, I got nuthin. I don't travel that much!

Ben said...

Um yeah. Fell in love the first time while traveling. Accents? Foreign destinations? Feeling free? That's when they suck you into the long-distance relationship. LDRs take a major toll on me. I used to spend too much time focusing on them instead of living my own life. However, some people have lived very happy lives together after getting to know each other with the romance of late night phone calls, weekend visits, and always looking forward to the next encounter!

Ashley said...

narm - you have this special way of keeping me on my toes.

jamie - isn't it International Men of Mystery? oh no, wait, that's Austin Powers.

ben - my big fear is that an LDR would consume my thoughts. Between planning for when we can see one another next and missing them like mad it might be too much. But the question remains, is it worth it? I like to think so.

Anonymous said...

I tried the whole long distance thing when I first went away to college and yeah. Not the best situation. But at the same time, that's college - where you're thrown into an environment of ridiculous temptation and alcohol. Back to you, though...
I think long distance has the ability to work, but I'm skeptical about beginning a relationship long distance. The ones that I see working are the ones that have years of background behind them because there's an incredible amount of trust there.
So maybe it depends on how cynical you are? And I'm sure being independent definitely helps, so you've got that going for you.
So basically, I guess I'm just as confused on the subject as you! Oh well.

Anonymous said...

I am currently involved in one of those Long Distance thingamagiggers!

I moved to England only about two months after we first met, and have been apart for a year. (In two weeks I'm moving back to the US and we will go back to being a normal couple, yay!)

As someone who has "almost" survived one... here's my opinion.

YES, they can work! But only under certain circumstances. You can't make one work with just anyone - it has to be special enough to be worth the daily hardships, and trust me, there are many. Being independent without another person is definitely a good start, as long as your S.O. is equally independent, otherwise someone is going to get insecure or jealous.

I think the key to making a LDR work is having an end-date. I don't think they work as an "indefinite" thing. You need to have a goal in mind, so that when things get rough you can say "6 more months, only 6 more months." Even if its 2 more years, you gotta have a real plan to eventually live in the same place. Without that, there's no motivation to work through the problems that will undoubtedly arise.

I just wrote a post about this over at my blog... if you're interested!

(great blog btw)