Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Should have escaped while I could


Though I am typically opposed to documenting personal information or dating experiences in the public blogosphere, I decided that the following story is just too good not to share. It came up during a game of Wii bowling late last night with my roommate and a couple of our friends and it was the entertining topic of the night. In fact, when I first told my roommate about this first-date experience, she chuckled lightly and responded with, "you just made me feel better about every bad date I've had the past six months, thanks." You're welcome.

A while back I met a boy while I was out with my friends. He was mid-20s, attractive, had a job to support himself, and could hold a conversation so when he suggested we hang out again I considered it. After discussing with my friends (as all girls do) they agreed that he seemed like a decent person. So when it came time to decide if I was going to attend a sporting event with him one evening after work, my mind went back to our first encounter and it seemed like a good idea. And in fact, it was. He managed to get my roommate and I two great seats to the game and we all had a good time. At the end of the night we concluded that he was really cool and I should definitely hang out with him again. But boy did he fool us.

He had asked me out for the following Saturday, mentioning dinner and a movie as a good possibility given that it was supposed to rain. During the day before the rain set in I managed to enjoy some sun and accomplish all of my weekend chores. Come 8 p.m. he had still not called, though by this time my stomach overruled my brain and I made myself dinner. A text message asking if he still wanted to hang out revealed that he did, but not until 10 p.m. This is where, if I would have been smart, I would have backed away. Maybe subconsciously I knew what was coming, and at least I'd have a good story to tell later, right?

...10:00, 10:30, 10:45 - incoming text: "left later than I wanted, be there by 11." ...11:00, 11:15, 11:25 - incoming call: "i'm waiting downstairs."

In the car I give him the benefit of the doubt and pretend that I forgot he said we'd be going to dinner. "So, how was your day? Did you get to enjoy the weather before this rain started?" To which he replied that in fact he got caught up in building his Web site and lost track of time. *Strike one* - since when is any Web site better than going on a date with a cute girl?

He suggests we go to a local bar because there's a good band playing. Given my experiences with local bands, I was skeptical, but for some reason believed the words that were coming out of his mouth (though if I'd listened to the music coming out of his stereo I would have known the band was going to suck). Regardless, we go, there's a $3 cover charge. He hands the guy a $5, gets his change and walks in. That's right. Not only does he not pay for my $3 cover, but he doesn't wait for me to pay my own way! *Stike two* - hello, moron. You asked me out on this "date." Man up!

Oh, but it gets better...

So after one drink (for which he surprisingly paid), I can't take the suckiness of the band anymore and suggest we leave. Head to another local bar with a better band and no cover for one more drink. The conversation was dull, and the moment he asked me if I had beaten my score on Wii bowling yet (huh?) it was time to leave. As we are walking out he says, "I'm hungry." Well, I'm not, and I'm ready to go home, and at this point I only give a damn about myself. I should have asked for him to take me home first (in hindsight, I should have done a lot of things differently, but you know what they say about highdsight). Regardless, I shut my trap and pointed him in the direction of the nearest fast-food restaurant still open. He gets in line, orders the biggest meal he can, turns to me and says, "I don't have any cash."

Me: "They take credit cards."
Terrible date: "Oh, I don't do credit cards at fast food restaurants. Can I have some cash." - which rendered me speechless for quite some time - but oh the things I could have said...
Me: *Taking the longest pause EVER, looking at him like he just asked me to give him my left kidney*
Terrible date: "Like 5 bucks if you got it."
Me: *Hands him the 5 dollars...only God knows why, I'll never see that 5 bucks again. But I figure the quicker I give him the money, the quicker I get home and am rid of him forever.*

He pays, get's change back, and pockets it. Shaking my head and laughing at the situation at this point, I'm just happy his car is headed in the direction of my apartment. When we arrive I let out a huge sigh of relief and get out of the car; and so does he! I should have asked him where the hell he thought he was going, but of course I didn't. He comes up to my apartment, sits on my couch with the assumption that he's going to scarf down the fast food meal that I just purchased for him right there in front of me, when finally I get the cojones to kick him out so I can go to bed and forget about this night. He seemed surprised (oh wake up son!). When I walked him to the door, the last words I ever heard him speak were "so, can I chat with you online tomorrow?"

Sure, right after my World of Warcraft marathon and before I start my Halo game... *Strike 3, 4, 5, and 6* - no explanation needed

I, in fact, said nothing and shut the door.

So there you have it folks. Next time a date goes bad and you're feeling a litte depressed, please feel free to revisit this post for a reminder of how bad it could have been - and of course for a good laugh!

Comments on other date stories that are rediculous, funny, or just plain sad highly encouraged.

Cheers!

-A

8 comments:

Alexa said...

oh
my
gosh

this is hilarious. you tell it so well.. when crap like this happens at least you can turn it into an entertaining post!

see me always looking at the positive. ha

Anna said...

haha, oh my gosh...great story...my favorite parts were..

"since when is any Web site better than going on a date with a cute girl"

"Man up!" (only because I can see you saying this)

"when finally I get the cojones" (you know that word? hahaha)

and the word "suckiness"

Hope you never have a date like that again!

-A said...

alexa - it's definitely a story I've enjoyed sharing, and the benefits of this post are three-fold:
1. gives everyone a good laugh
2. provides relief to all women who've had a bad date recently that theirs wasn't quite this bad
3. let's all men know (at least the one's who read my blog) that if they act this way, there's a chance it will end up on the internet.

anna b. - sorry you had to hear this on the internet, I promise to be a better friend.

yes, no web site should ever be better than a girl, even porn - especially porn!

"Man up!" is on of my favorites, say it to one of my colleagues a lot, just for fun.

Of course I know cajones, I picked up a thing or two from Pako, haha.

And I also hope I never have another date like that. But you'll know if I do...it'll be documented right here.

thelen84 said...

guys are all idiots... it's just that some of us have common sense.

p.s. the cops are after me... seriously, it's as if they have nothing better to do.

-A said...

ajt - yes, you are all idiots, but it works for some more than others.

p.s. thanks for the chat last night. seriously, i'm trying to take your advice.

Jamie said...

What a terrifically horrible story! I don't know how you managed it without killing him. When my buddies call at 11 p.m., there's a 60% chance I'll tell them I'm busy sitting on my butt.

My best/worst story was last year when I went out with a girl who ended up inviting her ex-boyfriend along. That was classic. I let them pay.

-A said...

jamie - next time you're sitting around at 11 on saturday, walk across the street and we can watch tv together...I won't be going out much for a while.

ex-boyfriend - ouch! but at least you learned early on it just wasn't meant to be. i would have let him pay too!

taawd said...

thank you for sharing. i sat with my jaw opened the whole time reading this post.

wtf, the dude should get his own post entitled "What I did wrong & what I was thinking at the time".

i'd love to hear his side of the story. how do you justify any of his actions on a "date"?