Once again I want to take a moment to recognize the insight provided by Seth's blog post on Bad Judgement. Rather than paraphrase, I'll let Seth's words speak for themselves:
All day, you run into people with bad judgment. That critic who didn't like your last movie, or the prospect who refuses to buy your product even though it's better. Or the angry customer who is bitter, vindictive, loud and out to cost you your job... even though they must know it's not your fault. Or perhaps it's the employee who refuses to exert a little extra energy even though it would help all of you.
It's enough to make you scream. Or give up.
Here's a thought: Maybe it's not bad judgment.
Try this on: "If I believed what you believe, I'd probably be acting exactly the same way you are right now." (Better thought than said, probably).
You know what, that's almost certainly true... if I believed what you said when you wrote that angry blog post, I probably would have written the same thing.
Once we realize that it's not a matter of judgment, but a matter of belief, everything changes.
Again, his thoughts pertain more to the world of marketing than to the crazy world of everyday human encounters, but I'm beginning to believe they have more in common than originally thought.
Let's think about it, when was the last time you saw someone in a restaurant let off some steam on the waiter due to slow service. Odds are, the circumstances were beyond the server's control, and likely due to a number of factors, but he still must take the heat for it - both verbally and monetarily. Curious onlookers tend to jump to conclusions about the patron who publicly lost his cool. As a society we tend to think this person is probably spoiled, rude, inconsiderate, or a number of other adjectives to describe his impolite behavior. But wait, what if he truly believes he was wronged? Not to mention the status of his life outside this restaurant. For all we know, he very well could have just come from visiting his mother in the hospital after a stroke, faught traffic all the way to the other side of town, just to meet his wife on their anniversary at their favorite restaurant. He wanted everything to be perfect for this special evening, and, it wasn't. Just like there were a number of factors involved in the slow service at the restaurant, there were also a number of factors involved in the outburst of this customer.
Does that make it right? No. But until you've lived in another person's shoes long enough to see a situation from his perspective, behavior shouldn't be judged; at least, not quite so harshly.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Inspiration on an Elevator
Considering it’s currently too cold to reveal any skin to the outside world, I’ve decided to go back in time to discuss an encounter with a man who’s words continue to have great impact on my life to this very day, rather than venture out to actually meet anyone new (not that anyone is crazy enough to be out there anyhow).
Shortly after I began my first “big girl job” I was riding in the elevator transporting a mountain of magazines from which I would soon conduct a stimulating round of research*. Along for the ride was a Fed Ex delivery man, who’s destination was also the 34th floor. In this particular building, our elevators had a tendency to stop frequently at floors where no passengers were actually present (I’ll spare you the reasoning behind this ridiculous phenomenon and proceed). After about the fourth stop, I grumbled under the weight of the periodicals balanced on my arms, when the Fed Ex man interjected with a few simple words of wisdom.
*Please take note of sarcastic tone – it will likely show up in subsequent posts. Learn to love it.
“Either enjoy it, or lose your mind.”
After pondering his statement briefly, I replied, “You’re right,” as if he didn’t already know the accuracy of this notion. As it turns out, many people in this society do think before they speak…who knew? These insightful words inhabited my mind for the remainder of the day, making life in cubicle-land, as I like to refer to it, a much more enjoyable place.
I’ve come to not only be enlightened by this very brief encounter, but to adopt the words of the Fed Ex man as an inspirational quote. This is the kind of stuff you read on the back of Starbucks cups; yeah, it’s that deep. It’s a quote that applies to every aspect of life, and on more than one occasion, I myself have lost my mind due to overwhelming boredom or frustration from a discouraging situation. (Yes, even since this advice was spoon-fed to me from someone much wiser).
Upon reflection, I can vividly remember this man. Early 40s, clean cut, perfectly straight bright white teeth, about 5’9” ½ (okay, so I really have no idea, but I bet I’m close). Enthusiasm radiated from his soul. I’ve never seen a delivery man who was so pleased to be doing his job. Then it hit me! That’s where people like me go very wrong.
* * *
People like me being young professionals, fresh out of college with our diplomas hanging on our office wall – check – and thinking that we are God’s gift because we made it though four years of college, making us instantly wise. It’s been said that those of us in this generation believe we deserve everything, that we don’t need to “pay our dues,” because we are better and smarter than the generations that came before us. Truth. And this is just the type of thinking that leads us astray. Besides, who really wants to befriend someone who carries an air of “I’m better than you,” with them. But I digress.
* * *
We tend to see a Fed Ex man, or anyone in the service industry for that matter, and assume they are uneducated and can’t get a better job. Or, if the serviceman looks young enough, we assume this is his side job to assist with room and board while he works to get that oh-so prestigious bachelor’s degree so he can start his real career. Okay, y’all, time to remove head from sphincter and use that educated brain of yours to give our fellow man some credit. By the looks of this man, he was more than happy to be delivering packages to the offices in our building; and rightly so. Think about it. He comes to these offices everyday, is recognized by the office managers immediately, and often called my name, “Hey, Chuck, how are you today?” He has the opportunity to interact with a variety of people day in an day out, constantly meeting new and interesting people. And if he encounters someone who’s not so nice, he does his thing and leaves them behind. Who wouldn’t be happy with that job? Sure, it’s not always glamorous, but look around fellow young professionals. How’s that cube treating you? Or maybe you are lucky enough to have an office, but how often do you see daylight? How many people do you interact with on a daily basis? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
So maybe, the Fed Ex man has got the right idea. Sure, his bachelor’s in finance provided him a decent paying job, but he just wasn’t satisfied being a deskie for 12 hours a day. And he loved the challenge of presenting his thesis on the newest techniques in aerospace engineering before receiving his master’s degree, but he just couldn’t handle the isolation. In the end, Fed Ex man figured it out, and long the way, he learned to enjoy what life has to offer.
“Either enjoy it, or lose your mind.”
Shortly after I began my first “big girl job” I was riding in the elevator transporting a mountain of magazines from which I would soon conduct a stimulating round of research*. Along for the ride was a Fed Ex delivery man, who’s destination was also the 34th floor. In this particular building, our elevators had a tendency to stop frequently at floors where no passengers were actually present (I’ll spare you the reasoning behind this ridiculous phenomenon and proceed). After about the fourth stop, I grumbled under the weight of the periodicals balanced on my arms, when the Fed Ex man interjected with a few simple words of wisdom.
*Please take note of sarcastic tone – it will likely show up in subsequent posts. Learn to love it.
“Either enjoy it, or lose your mind.”
After pondering his statement briefly, I replied, “You’re right,” as if he didn’t already know the accuracy of this notion. As it turns out, many people in this society do think before they speak…who knew? These insightful words inhabited my mind for the remainder of the day, making life in cubicle-land, as I like to refer to it, a much more enjoyable place.
I’ve come to not only be enlightened by this very brief encounter, but to adopt the words of the Fed Ex man as an inspirational quote. This is the kind of stuff you read on the back of Starbucks cups; yeah, it’s that deep. It’s a quote that applies to every aspect of life, and on more than one occasion, I myself have lost my mind due to overwhelming boredom or frustration from a discouraging situation. (Yes, even since this advice was spoon-fed to me from someone much wiser).
Upon reflection, I can vividly remember this man. Early 40s, clean cut, perfectly straight bright white teeth, about 5’9” ½ (okay, so I really have no idea, but I bet I’m close). Enthusiasm radiated from his soul. I’ve never seen a delivery man who was so pleased to be doing his job. Then it hit me! That’s where people like me go very wrong.
* * *
People like me being young professionals, fresh out of college with our diplomas hanging on our office wall – check – and thinking that we are God’s gift because we made it though four years of college, making us instantly wise. It’s been said that those of us in this generation believe we deserve everything, that we don’t need to “pay our dues,” because we are better and smarter than the generations that came before us. Truth. And this is just the type of thinking that leads us astray. Besides, who really wants to befriend someone who carries an air of “I’m better than you,” with them. But I digress.
* * *
We tend to see a Fed Ex man, or anyone in the service industry for that matter, and assume they are uneducated and can’t get a better job. Or, if the serviceman looks young enough, we assume this is his side job to assist with room and board while he works to get that oh-so prestigious bachelor’s degree so he can start his real career. Okay, y’all, time to remove head from sphincter and use that educated brain of yours to give our fellow man some credit. By the looks of this man, he was more than happy to be delivering packages to the offices in our building; and rightly so. Think about it. He comes to these offices everyday, is recognized by the office managers immediately, and often called my name, “Hey, Chuck, how are you today?” He has the opportunity to interact with a variety of people day in an day out, constantly meeting new and interesting people. And if he encounters someone who’s not so nice, he does his thing and leaves them behind. Who wouldn’t be happy with that job? Sure, it’s not always glamorous, but look around fellow young professionals. How’s that cube treating you? Or maybe you are lucky enough to have an office, but how often do you see daylight? How many people do you interact with on a daily basis? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
So maybe, the Fed Ex man has got the right idea. Sure, his bachelor’s in finance provided him a decent paying job, but he just wasn’t satisfied being a deskie for 12 hours a day. And he loved the challenge of presenting his thesis on the newest techniques in aerospace engineering before receiving his master’s degree, but he just couldn’t handle the isolation. In the end, Fed Ex man figured it out, and long the way, he learned to enjoy what life has to offer.
“Either enjoy it, or lose your mind.”
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Encountering Friendship
In the short 20+ years since my entrance into this world, I have been blessed with the ability to travel. During my travels, I have taken up residence in a number of big cities around the United States. These stints in often intriguing places have provided experiences that I would not give up for anything. Granted, moving is challenging, and getting acquainted with new colleagues and meeting new friends is often the most difficult aspect of the venture, but upon my move to Dallas in years past, I was blessed with an amazing experience that leads me to believe that the people that are meant to be in your life are often found in the most unexpected of places; you just have to be prepared to welcome them.
Upon arrival into Dallas proper, exhaustion quickly sank in. Between the constant lifting, carrying, and arranging, my muscles insisted on a break for lunch and a little shopping trip to purchase those last minute items (oh yeah, a shower curtain would be helpful, huh?). With a meal in my belly the effects of a the prior sleepless night and long drive across the state of Texas had begun to congeal, and fast. Little did I know that a quick trip to the nearest Starbucks would introduce one of the most genuine people into my life.
At 2 p.m. on this random weekday (I think it was a Thursday, though that’s not really relevant), the store was slow and the barista chatty. He asked me how my day was going, formality of course, but when the topic arose that my weary look was due to the immediate move, he was intrigued. Conversation led to my alma mater, Michigan State University. He was quick to point out that, he too, was a Spartan. At the time, this was an outstanding notion; the first person I’ve spoken to in town (outside of the woman who handed me my keys at the apartment complex) was a fellow MSU alum. As time went on, however, I came to learn that Dallas was filled with those of us who bleed green – it was quite wonderful, actually. We exchanged e-mail addresses and he informed me of the alumni association chapter that gets together to watch the games at a local bar (though if you’ve never been to Dallas, local doesn’t necessarily mean close; it just means within the city limits, which seem to go on forever). I left with my coffee feeling proud to have made my first new friend; one that has stuck by my side since that first meeting at Starbucks, and one I forsee being in my life for a long time. He continues to teach me how to be a better person, to think objectively, and most of all, to believe in myself. This is a person I trust and highly respect. You can’t ask for much more than that in a true friend.
Cheers!
-A
Upon arrival into Dallas proper, exhaustion quickly sank in. Between the constant lifting, carrying, and arranging, my muscles insisted on a break for lunch and a little shopping trip to purchase those last minute items (oh yeah, a shower curtain would be helpful, huh?). With a meal in my belly the effects of a the prior sleepless night and long drive across the state of Texas had begun to congeal, and fast. Little did I know that a quick trip to the nearest Starbucks would introduce one of the most genuine people into my life.
At 2 p.m. on this random weekday (I think it was a Thursday, though that’s not really relevant), the store was slow and the barista chatty. He asked me how my day was going, formality of course, but when the topic arose that my weary look was due to the immediate move, he was intrigued. Conversation led to my alma mater, Michigan State University. He was quick to point out that, he too, was a Spartan. At the time, this was an outstanding notion; the first person I’ve spoken to in town (outside of the woman who handed me my keys at the apartment complex) was a fellow MSU alum. As time went on, however, I came to learn that Dallas was filled with those of us who bleed green – it was quite wonderful, actually. We exchanged e-mail addresses and he informed me of the alumni association chapter that gets together to watch the games at a local bar (though if you’ve never been to Dallas, local doesn’t necessarily mean close; it just means within the city limits, which seem to go on forever). I left with my coffee feeling proud to have made my first new friend; one that has stuck by my side since that first meeting at Starbucks, and one I forsee being in my life for a long time. He continues to teach me how to be a better person, to think objectively, and most of all, to believe in myself. This is a person I trust and highly respect. You can’t ask for much more than that in a true friend.
Cheers!
-A
Friday, January 18, 2008
He's like fingernails on a chalkboard
Such a simile can only be appointed to he who holds the capacity to irritate the masses. My most recent encounter was with such a person. I often wonder if these people are aware of their annoying disposition, or even if they irritate themselves at times. Are they oblivious to the way others consistently react to them; is it not apparent that others recoil at the mere thought of their presence in a room? These people are often gossiped about as the “weird one,” though they remain content in being needy, whiney, and intrusive. In my humble opinion, a journal for self-reflection would be quite useful. So who’s going to get it for him?
“Uh, hey Jack. Here’s a journal I bought so you can write down all the times people react negatively toward you every time you enter and leave a room. Maybe now you can figure out how amazingly bothersome you are to the entire world.” (I think not)
Or, is it possible that these elusive creatures of aggravation see exactly what is going on around them and continue to behave in an abrasive manner simply for spite? Do the attitudes of others feed their drive to find the next best way to want you to stick pencils in your eyes?
Just a hunch, but I don’t think that would go over too well. But what I do think is that these people come into our lives as a test of patients. Those who can not only tolerate, but also learn from these individuals are bound to grow from these encounters, regardless of how uncomfortable they may be. So just maybe, the best way to deal with these often maddening human encounters is to take a step back, roll your eyes back down from deep inside the frontal lobe, and be patient. Who knows, you may learn something after all – even if it’s only about your own disposition.
Thoughts?
-A
“Uh, hey Jack. Here’s a journal I bought so you can write down all the times people react negatively toward you every time you enter and leave a room. Maybe now you can figure out how amazingly bothersome you are to the entire world.” (I think not)
Or, is it possible that these elusive creatures of aggravation see exactly what is going on around them and continue to behave in an abrasive manner simply for spite? Do the attitudes of others feed their drive to find the next best way to want you to stick pencils in your eyes?
Just a hunch, but I don’t think that would go over too well. But what I do think is that these people come into our lives as a test of patients. Those who can not only tolerate, but also learn from these individuals are bound to grow from these encounters, regardless of how uncomfortable they may be. So just maybe, the best way to deal with these often maddening human encounters is to take a step back, roll your eyes back down from deep inside the frontal lobe, and be patient. Who knows, you may learn something after all – even if it’s only about your own disposition.
Thoughts?
-A
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Elevator Claustrophobia
One of the first humans encountered this morning was a woman who was rather eager to remove herself from the elevator in which I accompanied her. Given that my office is 50+ floors above the streets of this city, the elevator ride provides considerable time to take notice of fellow passengers.
This woman, likely in her late 40s, seemed like your average, run-of-the-mill professional until, that is, about ten floors before her "stop," when the stainless doors slammed shut. She darted toward the front of the elevator, standing so intimately close to the doors that her breath was visible in the reflection (okay, so that might be a stretch). Marveled by this behavior, I took to contemplating the reasons for her intense passion to be removed from this ascending lift. After nonchalantly taking a whiff under my coat to make sure there wasn't an unpleasant odor eminating from, well, me, followed by a quick glance at my hands, taking note that indeed I was not invisible, there was only one reasonable conclusion: claustrophobia.
Upon reflecting on this incident that most would probably not contemplate further, it seems that other reasons may be more probable for this extraordinary behavior. For instance, this woman may have been in a hurry, was she late to work? After all, it was 8:06 a.m. Or did she have a deadline? Been there. Done that. Understand completely.
Now use your imagination...what if she just couldn't wait to storm into the big guy's office, give him a piece of her mind, and quit once and for all. Having been a legal secretary for one of the highest paid defense attorneys in the Midwest for over 10 years, she's fed up with the constant pressure, late hours, and minimal pay. Now that her sons are out of college (I've decided she has two), she can afford to advocate for her values and pursue a career that she not only enjoys, but that truly makes a difference; and of course, pays her the decent wages she deserves. See, now wasn't that captivating? I'm certainly more intrigued by this woman's actions now that she has a story. So, what happens next? You tell me.
Cheers!
-A
This woman, likely in her late 40s, seemed like your average, run-of-the-mill professional until, that is, about ten floors before her "stop," when the stainless doors slammed shut. She darted toward the front of the elevator, standing so intimately close to the doors that her breath was visible in the reflection (okay, so that might be a stretch). Marveled by this behavior, I took to contemplating the reasons for her intense passion to be removed from this ascending lift. After nonchalantly taking a whiff under my coat to make sure there wasn't an unpleasant odor eminating from, well, me, followed by a quick glance at my hands, taking note that indeed I was not invisible, there was only one reasonable conclusion: claustrophobia.
Upon reflecting on this incident that most would probably not contemplate further, it seems that other reasons may be more probable for this extraordinary behavior. For instance, this woman may have been in a hurry, was she late to work? After all, it was 8:06 a.m. Or did she have a deadline? Been there. Done that. Understand completely.
Now use your imagination...what if she just couldn't wait to storm into the big guy's office, give him a piece of her mind, and quit once and for all. Having been a legal secretary for one of the highest paid defense attorneys in the Midwest for over 10 years, she's fed up with the constant pressure, late hours, and minimal pay. Now that her sons are out of college (I've decided she has two), she can afford to advocate for her values and pursue a career that she not only enjoys, but that truly makes a difference; and of course, pays her the decent wages she deserves. See, now wasn't that captivating? I'm certainly more intrigued by this woman's actions now that she has a story. So, what happens next? You tell me.
Cheers!
-A
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